i've had 5 kids for 8 weeks now and i'm going to be honest with you...
- although, after having Danny, we really felt there was one more in our family the reality of having 5 initially made me cry. but it feels so right to have him here, and to be 7.
spentwasted a lot of time during my pregnancy freaking out about how little everyone helped out and how much more i'd have to do with a newborn and how on earth would i find time to sit down multiple times a day and feed the poor child and if i were to find the time, how could i possibly maintain a decent milk supply when i am this busy already? etc,etc.../hyperventilate. and now, my most favourite thing is this little guy's hungry tummy forcing me to sit still for periods throughout the day. it is blissful.(and judging by the chins, milk supply isn't really an issue either...ha!)
- i was convinced that because i'd had 2 delightful, super-cruisy babies in a row surely my luck had run out and no.5 was bound to be a colicky, hard-to-settle, total troll babe. he isn't. at all. it took me 6 weeks to stop holding my breath and realise that he is in fact a dream baby. he sleeps so SO awesomely (but i kinda don't want to skite too much about that just in case...)
- in fact, he slept so much for the first few weeks (rarely opened his eyes and then when he did he wouldn't make eye contact for aaages) that i thought he knew i had cried when i found out i was pregnant and was totally in a snot with me!
- he took so much longer to come into himself and respond than Monte (no3) and Danny (no4) did. but i found it correlated with me coming back into MYself. i felt extremely open and vulnerable after the birth this time around. i have been extra aware of over-doing it and being really intentional about being gentle on myself emotionally and physically.
- he pukes. a lot. like, allthetime. it doesn't bother him at all, but i'm kinda ticked about the wasted milk. dude...! (see that white bit on his tongue up there? exhibit A)
- and yes, it would have been totally lovely to have a little girl for our no.5 but God knew who our family needed and this guy is pretty darn sweet. (and besides i'm still convinced a little girl would have been totally spoilt). i sometimes mourn the absence of a sister for Jada but it reminds me to pray for amazing girlfriend-sisters for her life.
- most days it blows my mind that i am living this - that these are my pictures and not some one else's. that i get to be here again, for the 5th time. our baby-having days are over and i'm so grateful for this period in our lives. i want to savour this one last time but not be dreading the end of this season so much that i choke it with nostalgia or sadness. i want this 5th child to have the freedom to grow and mature into an amazing man - and not be burdened by his birth order or his mother's need to have a "baby".