(Disclaimer: some images may offend...especially if you only have daughters! /wink)
i'm a girl. i prefer not to be muddy. or to wrestle. or to hunt spiders. or to roar. or to run really fast (all.the.time). but being a mother of 3 boys, i'm always careful that my girly aversions don't suffocate my sons' BOY-ness. it's very important to me for them to have the freedom to be boys. i don't want to be the mother (with her girl coloured glasses) constantly saying "ew! gross! no! stop, shush! yuk!"
this includes playing with guns. everything in me wants to throw them on the fire, pretend like they never existed to do basket weaving instead! however, 3 boys down Motherhood Road and i know that would be completely futile(you see, boys have fingers that make perfectly good substitute guns!)
guns (including all varying substitutes) make me nervous. and i cringe when i see my sweet boys "sighting a target". but then, i am a girl and not only that but an adult one. i remember not sleeping after reading about Aramoana while in primary school. i saw Columbine footage. i've been to the Demilitarized Zone between North Korea and South.
so when i see my boys playing with guns, i don't just see little boys innocently expressing their boy-ness, i see all these - and more - awful, violent scenarios. and it is unfair for me to disallow them their right to play, imagine, explore and develop because i have this bias on gun use that they, at their age, are entirely oblivious to. playing with guns now doesn't mean they are, or will be, mass murderers.**
however, because banning is futile (JR hunts often also) and because it ticks me off how modern culture systematically suppresses almost every expression of maleness from birth, we're taking the possibly more controversial and un-PC route and have chosen to let our boys play with pretend guns - well, actually their own custom made wooden rifles :)
however, we have very strict play guidelines:
- NEVER point your gun (or gun substitute - pencil, toast crust, finger...*eyeroll*) at any person. ever.
- the boys are 'taught' firearms safety, which includes always treating a gun as loaded (yes, even a toy gun!)
- they are taught about why and when it is ok to kill an animal (not just "for the sake of it")
what do you think about boys and guns? do you let your sons play with them?
**much in the same way it doesn't mean your son is homosexual because he dressed up in his sister's dress. or that your 5 year old daughter and your friend's son are Doing It because they were playing 'mums and dads' in the bedroom. (and yes, both are actual scenarios and yes, both assumptions were initial - adult-biased - reactions...)
Hello :) My boy loves guns, I haven't bought him a toy one but he makes them out of his blocks. He knows I don't like it, but he's a boy, that's what all the boys I have been brought up around did! My nana keeps saying to me 'you haven't bought him a gun yet, have you Michelle?' I think that's why I haven't..
ReplyDeleteI grew up on a farm with my sis and two brothers and come from a deer hunting family. SO my brother's grew up with guns from a very young age. They used to make lego guns and had 'laser' guns as toys and of course homemade wooden ones, joey guns and a bb gun too I think. But Dad didn't let them fire a gun until they were 16, they would go pheasant or duck shooting together when little and Dad would let them look through the site on the gun but that was about it. So they went on a few hunting trips but it was all very well done i think. Even my sister and I wanted to go but had to wait til we were 16 (and surprise surprise no longer interested!). So it's nothing special or alarming to me to see a boy with a gun but I've read a few posts similar to this as life as gone on and terrible things around the world have happened because of guns etc. I think when you are brought up on a farm and respect guns as something that shoot animals for food and toy guns are for shooting your brother or sister in a fun game it's ok. Both my brothers have grown up very normal and not extra violent or interested in guns really at all now. Although they'd prob love to go to a shooting range and try a rifle or pistol out but they'd prob take it or leave it. I know my bro recently went on a pig hunting trip but that never happens. I think if safety is reinforced well and there aren't too many deadly video games going into their heads at the same time it's pretty innocent.
ReplyDeleteI have 3 boys myself... and it has definately been part of the package... that toys which were meant for another purposes, get reconstructed into guns, you can't escape it. I had a friend stay recently with her little boy, and the first thing he picked up was a toy gun.... to the horror of my friend, who has avoided it for the last 3 yrs.... after a few days with our family, she gave in!
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ReplyDeleteI love the way you approach the subject with your boys and as you probably may have guessed I'll be doing much the same with my boys. I think we are quite lucky, raising our boys with Hunting fathers, in that they get a full firearm education from a very young age. our boys know where our meat comes from (because we only buy chicken) and they know that Guns are only for hunting animals for food. I think parents strike problems with their boys when the start to ban these things (as in there is nothing as appealling as the dangerous, forbidden lure of a firearm!). It's like teenagers sneeking out windows because they weren't allowed to go to that raving party ~ give them permission and a curfew and they probably won't go!
ReplyDeleteWe also have a rule in our house where guns are called 'firearms' or 'rifles' ~~~~~ and in the time it took me to write this, said boys have COVERED our bedroom in hot pink lipstick. ARGH! ....
Good on you! I think you've taken a very wise approach. You should never stifle creativity and imagination in kids, so your "guidelines" are very practical and even educational.
ReplyDeleteYour boys are subsequently learning that it is okay to play, but that some things have a serious side too.
Good on you!whats really great is that you're also educating them too! I read or saw somewhere that there was a preschool who gave out "gun licenses" to kids before they were allowed to play with the toy guns and to get their license that had to know not to point them at other kids etc and i thought it was such a neat idea!
ReplyDeleteI simply hate the idea of play guns - but then I saw the sweet photo of your boys with their wooden guns and thought awwwwww - so maybe it is plastic guns I hate? Who knows, thankfully it isn't something I've had to think too much about since my son shows no interest what so ever.
ReplyDeleteOnce again Dee, so wise. Its very obvious you think hard about your kids and your teaching / motherhood.
ReplyDeleteWell done :)
I hope I can be as intuitive as you.
thank you so much for this post. as a girl w/ only sisters, who now has a 10 month old son, i've been pretty nervous about how to let him be a boy in an appropriate way. i really like how you handle the toy gun issue and will remember it for the years to come.
ReplyDeleteI have 2 boys and I hate guns. I don't want them to play with them but it does seem to be something innate! We have nerf guns and I usually call them target shooters. I actually concur wholeheartedly with this post - especially the NEVER point anything like that at a person EVER. That makes me feel very happy - guns are never for pointing at people. I think it also comes down to ensuring they also don't see that kind of gun use in cartoons, TV or other arenas I feel people can sometimes take a very laise-fare attitude to what their children see but then feel horrified when they copy that behaviour. Does that make sense? Great post Dee
ReplyDeleteI love this post.
ReplyDeleteYou're fantastic.
This isn't one we've had to tackle yet, but your angle sounds absolutely perfect.
i had always thought I was totally anti the whole gun/boy play thing... but reading your post definately has made me rethink.
ReplyDeleteMy son has phases of wanting to play guns and does the whole lego / fingers... whatever gun thing.
Your boys look so cute with their wooden guns, I think the context you've provided is perfect.
Playing with guns in a natural environment without the connotations of violence so many children are exposed to today has to be completely different to what so many are exposed to.
Thank you for this post! I've got a (nearly) 5 year old boy and I've really struggled with what my at home 'gun policy' should be. I will definitely be referencing yours! I want to let him be himself but my inner girl says NO GUNS. Thanks for showing a middle path.
ReplyDeleteRight there with you....as the mother of 3 GROWN sons, your thoughts were so in line with the way we raised our boys. Today they are wonderfully successful men who are REAL.
ReplyDeleteKeep on doing what you are doing...and ENJOY every minute!
(BTW...I was the CUB Scout camp instructor for guns and bows/arrows. As I helped my cubbies, the assigned instructor realized I was a better shot than the instructors...soooooo... Thanks to my brothers for teaching me!)
Jane (artfully graced)